Hi Louise!

I did it! I actually did it! Totally without anything but my MP3s and Ben!

I was diagnosed with the start of a pre eclampsia on Thursday following a couple of weeks of BP issues… I was utterly devastated as that meant induction, no water birth, close monitoring and very medicalised with consultants, which I was frightened by.

Drew curtains. Lights off. Headphones on. Ben inflated my birth ball and popped the TENS machine on me in the “early labour” setting.

I zoned out for a few hours only registering to communicate that I needed another MP3 or for Ben to gently encourage me to drink and walk to the loo.

3pm monitoring

“Can you get on the bed”


“We need to monitor you”

“Here or nowhere”

Muttering about “difficult first time mum” got longer leads Machine didn’t register any surges.

After monitoring, around 4.30

“You’re not in labour, the machine isn’t registering any contractions, this period pain is just your cervix ripening”

No examination

20 minutes later the fact that I wasn’t in labour sunk in and I totally lost my shit. I had taken my headphones off to go to the loo, stepped out of my nest and onto the bright corridor and all of a sudden couldn’t breathe, see, stand (panic attack) because if this wasn’t it then I couldn’t do it and as soon as I was at 4cm I would need an epidural because I couldn’t cope with much more… so it’s 4.50

Ben put me back on my ball in my nest. Headphones on. Told me that no one else mattered and to listen to Danny.

I wasn’t in labour so we hadn’t cracked out the labour setting on the tens machine, the lavender oil to calm me down. Ben was using cold flannels on me but no one really paid any attention because we were silent. I was trying to save the “more” from our labour kit until I was in labour. Just focussed on my breathing. Listened to affirmations, listened to all MP3s

Thought I was leaking waters but apparently it was probably just wee, pop a pad in.

Really really uncomfortable. Couldn’t put pressure on my perineum so tilted pelvis and rocked and spontaneously hummed.

Ben decided after 20 minutes of this to ask a midwife if she could take a look. Apparently I “changed”

They’d be there in a minute, see if you can get her walking…

I said I needed the loo. I’d been putting it off because the notion of standing was daunting. And I was putting all my focus on my breathing and the loo was the other end of the ward.

Stood up. Took 5 steps off the bay and POP!


Urge to push.

Yelled “help” because Ben was holding me up and no one there for baby. I knew it was baby.

Got a couple of midwives.

“First baby, long latent phase, no contractions, calm, panicking now”

Me: waters popped baby’s coming.

Them. It’s probably wee, nothing’s coming out, we’ll examine you. (Her head was plugging the waters!) Leant on bed.

Midwife took off my trousers

“I need a delivery pack now”

All lights on (cross about that, ruined my zone for a moment and I yelled out before closing my eyes and remembering my breathing.

Lost my MP3s, was just playing them in my head!

Baby girl born 3 minutes later. No tears, grazes, complications.

3 minutes from them acknowledging labour to baby!

She’s utterly perfect. APGAR scores of 9 then 10

Got my totally non medicalised, drug free (other than the gel) birth and all because I was so totally calm, focussed and relaxed that not one person other than my husband thought that anything was going on… no one believed! 😁

I wouldn’t have had a clue how to tap into that part of myself without you. Thank you so so much.

I got the most amazing, uninterfered with birth resulting in a perfect baby who is nursing like a pro and a healthy happy me which is all I actually wanted.

Thank you!!!
Her name is Melody

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